thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
