Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
