I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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