I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
