I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
