i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
