It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
