There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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