Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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