this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
