We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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