I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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