mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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