My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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