Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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