my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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