did you get engaged???
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
