Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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