Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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