Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
