I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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