last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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