just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
