I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
