Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
