i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
