How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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