i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Two words: blizzard sex
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My feet surprised me
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