i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
