Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
