just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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