now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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