nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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