I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
