Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
