don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
