I don't usually arrange sex via text message
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
