there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
