hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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