Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
