don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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