I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
