I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Even my vagina gasped.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
