Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
