So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
