I accidentally had phone sex last night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
