I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
