Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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