morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
