you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
