I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
