1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
