We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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