I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
