it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm drive I can fine osifer
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
